Being Team-mom and Team-dad
As we are wrapping up another competition season from Youth team to Varsity it is a great time to self-reflect. This is something we ask of our gymnasts on a daily basis as a means to improve and be self-aware, but I think as adults we need to be sure we are doing the same for them. Collectively we must choose our words carefully to avoid being counter-productive, because we remember that these gymnasts are taking our voices and applying them in their own heads.
Our Coaching staff is guided on selectively chosen corrections; "don't fall", "don't stick your head out", "your feet are flexed", etc. are all negative statements in which gymnasts are hearing nothing but negativity. Instead we use like phrases "bend your knees", "butt down", "keep your chin down", "point your toes", something they can correct and apply without negative connotations. The same must be applied by our parents and while parents are not coaching, your role and words are as much; if not more impact-full on their progress and success.
The conversation directly following a competition tends to be the most crucial time for parent-gymnast interaction. There have been many times that I have celebrated with a smiling, happy gymnast during awards, relishing in her personal success and/or the success of her team, only to see her upset and sometimes even crying as she gets into the car in the parking lot as a result of the conversation she had with her parents on the walk outside. All of her confidence and pride in what she just did has been stripped from her in a matter of minutes because it didn't meet the goals of a parent. This is incredibly damaging to her progress in the gym, but also to her self-esteem and confidence as a young lady.
One of the higher level gymnasts I coached years ago was having an off Beam season, which was totally out of character for her. We were working extra diligently on our fundamentals, spending ample amounts of time on mental work, and it seemed like no matter what we did at practice it just wouldn't connect at meets. Meet after meet we watched her struggle and then all of the sudden she hit her beam routine, not once, but three meets in a row. After the third meet I stood talking to her mom, both of us so proud and excited that she had figured it out when her mom said to me "I finally just stopped asking 'what's wrong with you, why can't you just stay on the beam'. Wow. I was in absolute shock that #1 that statement had so much power that it was enough to rock this kids entire beam season, but #2 that a parent would say those words to their child, "what's wrong with you". There is no amount of coaching I can do to combat that.
This is just one variation of a multitude that I have heard from parents in the past and each one equally as devastating. YOU are the one your child never wants to disappoint, YOUR voice is the voice that lives in their heads and YOU have the power to build up or defeat your child with a simple statement.
Another concern comes in the form of "Why is your coach making you (insert skill/pass here)" and adding to that "She isn't making (insert teammates name here) do that and she scores higher than you". There are so many things going on in this conversation. #1. you are creating a complete sense of disrespect to your gymnasts coach which causes conflict within your gymnast. She has been told to listen to her coaches and now your daughter has to question everything she is taught and told to do by her coach(es). #2 you are now teaching your daughter to directly compare herself and her progress to that of her teammates. Gymnastics is an incredibly subjective sport, we are not just being judged on what we do but how well we do it, the last thing we need to do is create more self-conscious thoughts. Every gymnasts progress and development is different and every kid is different, so your daughters path will never be the exact same as anyone else's and she should never feel bad about that.
My role as your daughters Coach and to all of the gymnasts in this gym is to guide them to be the best gymnast they can be, to push them when they need it, to pull them back when it gets too frustrating, and to keep gymnastics fun. That's why kids participate in sports, because they enjoy it and they get to have fun with their friends. Gymnastics is not a job and should never feel like one. Your role as gym-mom and gym-dad is to support them, to cheer for them when they succeed, to console them when they feel defeated and remind them how hard they have worked and how proud you are of that.
Coach and Parent we have to support each other too. If your gymnast didn't get her chores or homework done and shows up late to practice my statement to her is "get it done in time next time" and not anything negative about mom/dad for making her late and I ask the same of you. If her coach takes a skill away from your daughters routine trust that it's for a good reason and the best thing you can do is ask your daughter what she needs to do to get it back. Respect is mutual and progress and success won't happen without it.
If they are proud we should be proud, if they are upset you should we building them back up. Positivity breeds more positivity and negativity breeds more negativity. Remember, the words that you say to your daughter become the words in her head when she is training and competing. Let's make sure we would be proud of the voice that they are hearing.
Our Coaching staff is guided on selectively chosen corrections; "don't fall", "don't stick your head out", "your feet are flexed", etc. are all negative statements in which gymnasts are hearing nothing but negativity. Instead we use like phrases "bend your knees", "butt down", "keep your chin down", "point your toes", something they can correct and apply without negative connotations. The same must be applied by our parents and while parents are not coaching, your role and words are as much; if not more impact-full on their progress and success.
The conversation directly following a competition tends to be the most crucial time for parent-gymnast interaction. There have been many times that I have celebrated with a smiling, happy gymnast during awards, relishing in her personal success and/or the success of her team, only to see her upset and sometimes even crying as she gets into the car in the parking lot as a result of the conversation she had with her parents on the walk outside. All of her confidence and pride in what she just did has been stripped from her in a matter of minutes because it didn't meet the goals of a parent. This is incredibly damaging to her progress in the gym, but also to her self-esteem and confidence as a young lady.
One of the higher level gymnasts I coached years ago was having an off Beam season, which was totally out of character for her. We were working extra diligently on our fundamentals, spending ample amounts of time on mental work, and it seemed like no matter what we did at practice it just wouldn't connect at meets. Meet after meet we watched her struggle and then all of the sudden she hit her beam routine, not once, but three meets in a row. After the third meet I stood talking to her mom, both of us so proud and excited that she had figured it out when her mom said to me "I finally just stopped asking 'what's wrong with you, why can't you just stay on the beam'. Wow. I was in absolute shock that #1 that statement had so much power that it was enough to rock this kids entire beam season, but #2 that a parent would say those words to their child, "what's wrong with you". There is no amount of coaching I can do to combat that.
This is just one variation of a multitude that I have heard from parents in the past and each one equally as devastating. YOU are the one your child never wants to disappoint, YOUR voice is the voice that lives in their heads and YOU have the power to build up or defeat your child with a simple statement.
Another concern comes in the form of "Why is your coach making you (insert skill/pass here)" and adding to that "She isn't making (insert teammates name here) do that and she scores higher than you". There are so many things going on in this conversation. #1. you are creating a complete sense of disrespect to your gymnasts coach which causes conflict within your gymnast. She has been told to listen to her coaches and now your daughter has to question everything she is taught and told to do by her coach(es). #2 you are now teaching your daughter to directly compare herself and her progress to that of her teammates. Gymnastics is an incredibly subjective sport, we are not just being judged on what we do but how well we do it, the last thing we need to do is create more self-conscious thoughts. Every gymnasts progress and development is different and every kid is different, so your daughters path will never be the exact same as anyone else's and she should never feel bad about that.
My role as your daughters Coach and to all of the gymnasts in this gym is to guide them to be the best gymnast they can be, to push them when they need it, to pull them back when it gets too frustrating, and to keep gymnastics fun. That's why kids participate in sports, because they enjoy it and they get to have fun with their friends. Gymnastics is not a job and should never feel like one. Your role as gym-mom and gym-dad is to support them, to cheer for them when they succeed, to console them when they feel defeated and remind them how hard they have worked and how proud you are of that.
Coach and Parent we have to support each other too. If your gymnast didn't get her chores or homework done and shows up late to practice my statement to her is "get it done in time next time" and not anything negative about mom/dad for making her late and I ask the same of you. If her coach takes a skill away from your daughters routine trust that it's for a good reason and the best thing you can do is ask your daughter what she needs to do to get it back. Respect is mutual and progress and success won't happen without it.
If they are proud we should be proud, if they are upset you should we building them back up. Positivity breeds more positivity and negativity breeds more negativity. Remember, the words that you say to your daughter become the words in her head when she is training and competing. Let's make sure we would be proud of the voice that they are hearing.
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